In a matter in seconds.....

To whom ever read these post I'm sorry I haven't written for a while. Life has had up's and down's these last few months. Today was maybe one of the hard yet. Why you ask, well I'll tell you. There was once a certain person that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Someone who I believed who would do anything just to be with me. He took what was precious in my life, something that I should have held so scared but I didn't. He taught me that happiness was something that you had to buy. That the Men were the kings of everything and the women simply just serve their every wish. I eventually learned to cheat, lie, and hide from those I loved because he thought it was right. When I look back, I hate myself and what I became: a cheating whore who was addicted to men. It sickens me! Now just 3 years later, thinking that driving to him home town to drop off a resume to do nothing to me, I was dead wrong. Driving there my heart began to pound loudly in my ears, and my past bursted the damed that held memories that I had spent months almost years to build. Thoughts and feeling that took what seemed forever, spewed everywhere, then I found myself driving to his house. It was like my brain and my body weren't listening to each other! When I saw his car park next to the garage where he always parks it, I could feel my body ceasing....

Why is it that our past our still apart of us? Heavenly Father forgives and forgets so readly that it almost seems impossible that we have such a Loving God. I have spend many night crying wishing that I could forget the past. To never remember nights where I spend places I should not have been and the men that I spent them with. Heavenly Father has forgiven me and so have others that I have hurt, and I have worked hard to do the same thing for myself. Then in a breif moment, everything that I have worked for comes fulling back to me just by one single town. Its something that no one really like, right?

Well I just have to laugh it off and know that thing worked out in the end. Devon and I have been married for a year and almost a half. We have been sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. He know every thing about me, I have kept nothing from him and he will protect me from my past. Knowing that gives me the strenght to fight and not give in. I'll bare my testimony that the atonement is really, Christ loves me and he died so that my sins can be forgiven. Having the knowlegde is something I will never trade nor deny. Bring it on, Past, cause you can't touch this! You might still be there but you are nothing but thang'. HAHA

To anyone who reads this, know that as I write this post, my kick butt Jenkins side has over came me and I'm strong just by doing this. Thanks for letting me vent :) Sending all my love to everyone <3>